Kinshuk Jain
TRANSFORMATION
There is a small gift hidden somewhere in this story, hope you find it!
The most difficult bit for me was accepting that I had anxiety and low confidence. As a man I expected myself to be strong. I couldn't associate myself with something (anxiety) that is not associated with masculinity. I was too young to know any better - the first step to get better is always the most difficult - "acceptance". Accepting yourself for who you are!
My symptoms included insomnia, difficulty speaking my mind, low confidence and severe heart palpitations.
This was partially due to an undiagnosed thyroid condition, a severe vitamin D deficiency, chronic stress due to unemployment and of course anxiety accompanied with panic attack like heart palpitations.
But the techniques that I will share helped me through EVERYTHING.
As a child movement always kept me happy. It was not a habit rather a personality defining trait. In high school I got my movement through various sports. Everyone I knew in this world associated me with health, being strong, athleticism and sports.
I learned how to swim when I was 2. Picked up tennis when I was 5 and got selected for states when I was 11. I used to play basketball and badminton for my house team in school. I even captained the school soccer team and played for the cricket team in my final year of high school.
I am a state level air pistol shooter and trained with the ex India Head coach in Table Tennis. Sports was LIFE!
The tipping point came when I had to undergo back to back ACL reconstruction surgeries (a ligament in the knee) in my left and right knee in 2013 & 2014, respectively. I tore them while playing soccer.
It was a painful 2 years filled with bed rest, walking with crutches everywhere and rehab. But worst of all zero movement.
I still remember before the first operation the doctor told me on the operation bed if athletes could choose between ligaments tearing and bones breaking I would ask them to choose a bone breaking.
Post the surgery they put 4 thick blankets on me but I was shivering as if I were naked. It was a traumatic experience for my body.
After the 2 year rehab life happened! Sports and movement became less of a priority and college started.
Drinking, partying and studying took up most of my time. I also low key avoided playing sports because I did not want to go through another surgery. My friends and I would routinely drink and compete over who could drink the most, it was college after all.
My younger cousin trying to cheer me up after my second ACL surgery
JOINING THE RAT RACE
Once college got over and work started it became difficult meeting people with similar interests. The first job excitement plateaued in about six months. But the heavy drinking continued on the weekends.
Soon work just became something I dreaded. I started spending more and more time alone.
ANXIETY SETTING IN
I had no friends around me because my office was on the outskirts of the city. Another year of this lifestyle continued and extreme loneliness began to set in. I did not realize at the time.
But the heavy drinking continued over the weekends. I had regularly been drinking and smoking for a good 5 years by this point. Blackouts became a routine thing.
The high of drinking started to become more of an escape that helped the weekends pass. Anxiety started to creep in (heart palpitations and nervousness at the thought of going out). It become more about drinking to go out rather than going out to drink. Alcohol is a numbing agent, it stopped the anxiety temporarily so I continued drinking and fell into a negative spiral.
With easy access to alcohol, cigarettes, adult content and the occasional marijuana I started to go into a cocoon.Thankfully, I finally realized something was not right. (Like no shit!)
Feeling BOLD - SOMETHING LOST FOUND AGAIN
I left my job and shifted back home in 2019, 3 months in the covid pandemic hit.
The pandemic was a blessing for me. Locked in at home my great grandfathers dumb bells caught my eye. I lied down on my back and lifted them just for fun. Those random reps made a difference. The next day I was sitting on my couch. I remember the feeling so clearly.
I felt bold... fearless!
It was a novel feeling. Those reps physically did not change much but it had a huge impact on my mental state. I knew I had to continue lifting.
I joined the gym and focused on lifting weights. I would highly recommend getting a trainer and taking baby steps to develop a habit (3 times a week and don't kill yourself in the gym, it will make it tougher to stay consistent).
The gym continued and my boldness also started going up and up. I felt great and high on energy.
My hypothesis is that once my mind knew I am becoming physically stronger it started reacting to the same situations differently.
Ask in your friends circle, talk to people who have put on a good amount of muscle in the last 2-3 years. Be blunt and ask them did it impact their confidence levels and boldness.
Combined with no fap there were days I felt invincible.
If I had a crush on a girl I just had to go talk to her or send out a message on Instagram. It was a long 4 year journey to reach this mental state. But I enjoyed every bit of it.
WHAT HELPED ME?
I am further ahead in my journey and learned a few more things along the way about self confidence and social confidence. Today I can stand up for myself, set boundaries with others (it is a form of self care) and share my story freely because I have heeled.
Life has become easier and I look forward to meeting new people - developing main character energy.
Listing the habits so you can access it one place:
Self confidence (Level 1)
- Work out in the gym (hire a trainer if you can afford one)
- No porn and masturbation (this is the toughest)
- Eat a protein and fiber rich diet (prioritize gut health)
- Supplement with vitamin D (Key role in producing testosterone)
Do these and see your self confidence sky rocket in 30-45 days
Social Confidence (Level 1)
- Don't take things personally (remember if a person treats you badly it is a limitation within them, and they would have done it to anyone in your place)
- Make the other person feel smart instead of trying make them think you are smart - this one is my favorites (Least effort highest impact).
- Want to build a professional or personal relationship? - Always give first, without expecting anything in return. This concept is beautifully explained in the book 'The Go-Giver'
The gift - if you feel you still need more help and have some more questions drop me Hi on WhatsApp.
WHY AM I DOING THIS?
I have most likely been in the same position you are in today, I will be able to help you more than someone with a degree in psychology. I want to share the practices that helped me with all men around the world. Honestly, because being a man is tough in today’s world. Men need to help men. I do this so that when the time comes you are able to help another human in need.
I have shared the practices above and if you are able to follow them then I am sending more energy your way. But if you feel you need to someone to keep you focused and stay accountable with some tough love then I am your guy. WhatsApp me or book a call by clicking here!
And if we don’t see each other again I wish you all the best king!!
